I haven’t post on here in forever. I got… I guess…self conscious about spewing out all my daily thoughts. I dunno. Part of me really wants to writing a true “lay all my shit out there” blog, part of me doesn’t.
My little Gravatar (avatar that will display if I reply to something) has changed because I can’t really figure out how to separate it out for multiple identities. Over in the cubicle troll world, I stepped up to write a post once a week for The Collared Sheep. So in order to respond to things over there I had to switch icons. I miss my Tommy Bartlett robot though.
I’m kind of sad and depressed this morning. Don’t want to be at work. Making it worse on myself by gorging on 2 for $1 donuts from Holiday.
Saw a movie last night. “Paul” was ok. I guess I wanted it to be like “Galaxy Quest” level of greatness, and it was more like middle-of-the-road SNL skit movie.
Been a bit lonely. Ok, been a lot lonely. Trying to assess it all and figure out what to do with myself.
I tried hanging out my sister like adults. We went to this cocktail making class together. She was kind of in a standoffish mood. She’s always complaining that people in MN are cold and rude, but I wonder if she invites some of that on herself. I went to a cocktail class at Christmas by myself, and I chatted up all the ladies at the table. It wan’t so bad. This time I just talked to my sister. Felt kind of cut off. I dunno. I juts didn’t have as much fun as I thought I would.
I haven’t been to group things much lately so I haven’t been meeting new people. My last push in all that I did make one new real friend and a few new peripheral acquaintances. I’m hopeful on the friendship front. We have some things in common, and the last time we hung out I broke down some walls to get to the “what makes you tick” cusp of a real friendship. Hoping this one will stick. I’m not all that great at making new friends. And by friends.. in my head I’m talking about the kind of people that know all your bad messy stuff and don’t give a flying fuck. They still stick with you. Those are the kind of friends I have hard time making. I’m not talking about the, yeah I know so-and-so friendships. I can do those. I’m just not great at getting real close to people.
The whole mystery flowers at Valentine’s Day. I dunno. I think it’s a sad state of affairs that my instant reaction to it was not that someone was being sweet and interested, but that something bad was about to go down. I’m not the kind of girl that gets flowers from anyone but immediate family. Whoever it was never came forward. I had theories that didn’t pan out. (You know and I know I was bummed it wasn’t the guy with naturally curly Gaiman-esque rock star hair. He was one of the first people I texted. He teased me that I just sent them to my self. Grrrr. Not funny and also disappointing. ). I have other theories who it might of been, but I let it drop. All I know is that after all was said and done, I was very single and had a vase full of brownish water and decaying plant stalks. Telling me ”______, you are loved” only ended up bumming me out. V-Day Flower fail.
So… I guess I’m just killing time this morning, trying not to be so sad by wrtting out some of the things that might have made me sad. It’s a combo if the weather, work being bad, me not eating right, and being bored by myself a little too much. I’ll snap out of it. I’m just a little down this morning.
