Let me preface this entry by saying I didn’t go out of my way to find out the following information. I really didn’t. The deal here is that I needed to come up with a quick, but believable, fake persona on Facebook for work. I’ve been on Google, Facebook, Twitter non-stop since Thursday and have lost sense on all reality. I keep re-doing the option where Facebook finds people you might know. I didn’t really realize I was in my actual Facebook account when I hit it the umpteenth time this weekend. It scrolled through my email and found a few people I was kind of like… who the hell is that?
Click, click and click.
Well, guess who is in a super happy relationship? One so sickly sweet he and his girlfriend actually have a picture of themselves sitting in the grass, holding hands with a giant heart made out of apples next to them as both their profiles pictures?
Who you ask?
First guy I went on a date with way back when I hurled myself into online dating.
Now, don’t get me wrong. More power to the guy. He and I zero in common. But I’m getting so fucking sick of finding this stuff out! I mean really. It’s a heart made out of apples. A bit gratuitous don’t you think?
It’s not like I have this biological clock ticking that I need to get married and have kids, or any of that. It’s not about that at all. I’m still an all or nothing kind of a chick. I want a 21st century version of Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre, or I’ll stay single thank you very much.
It’s just that kharma is being such a bitch about not letting truly amazing and good things happen to me! I’ve totally earned some good mojo!! Stuff like this bugs me because I don’t understand why all these people I momentarily cross paths with are all dancing off happy into the sunset.
When I do find stuff like this out.. well… I start Googling. I could keep writing about it, but my celebrity crush Neil and Amanda put it into words a lot better than I could a long time ago. This is what I’ve been doing for the last two hours. I really need to stop.
I don’t doubt that you’ll find someone eventually. That dude just needs to be spectacular. Although, when you do find Mr. Right, I beg of you, do not post pics of you and your paramour with hearts made of apples.
Seriously, I could not contain my snark. I would have to go all mock force 5 on your butt.
I won’t make any apple hearts. The likelihood of me finding this romantic bastard any time soon is way low anyway. It would involve me actually leaving my couch at night, instead of moping and Googleing shit.
I’m just in a lonely, pouting, sad, bitch mood. Don’t mind me. I need to get it out of my system some way.